month of madness

I played the ultimate feel good concert last night, and it's sad that it has to end so quickly. Concerts and rehearsals have always been a good escape for me; to be with some of my favourite people, hanging out and then going into a big room together and having fantastic auditory and emotional adventures and not thinking much about the rest of life. It's like my mind goes on holiday.

Now I'm back in real life and my mind has unpleasant stuff to think about again...

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Today I realised how much I dislike my mind. It sounds complex and deep but it really isn't. I loathe how everything isn't perfect in my head, how my cognition and emotion make me someone i hate to be. Psychiatrists call it perfectionism and obsessiveness, but that's what it's like from the inside.

The past month or so has been incredible. I don't know if I disliked it or not. For the most part I don't think i did.

In a world where neurotransmitters exist, it feels like faith has become silly, though I really really don't want it to be.